happiness

i need to find it
i want it
maybe i am looking in wrong places

dream #1

So this is my first dream for the blog
i saw my childhood friend A in my dream , we used to be very very good friends. we were together in school for about 12 years
He used to be kinda flirt. Had many girl friends. He was rich and good looking , played sports was tall and stylish so many girls were after him :)
People used to think that i have a crush on him but i loved him ... loved him like a very very dear friend . if u have grown up with someone . u share the same class in school , u do his home work, talk for hours play together, go to each other`s homes then u become something .. and he was my that something
But it all went away like a flash .. (that is another story for another time)

Khair back to the dream.. i saw him and me still great friends .. i felt the same love i used to have for him
and i saw love for me too in him
he was all grown up .. had some business or something and we both were running after each other.. searching for each other in the dream .. when we finally found each other, i was trying to make him understand that we can`t be together and he should let go .. and he was telling me that it is impossible... after that the dream became blurry
but it continued to linger the next day in my thoughts.. i woke up with a strong feeling ... as if i could feel him from my dream. i thought about him all day and wanted to talk to him... just fought with my thoughts whether to call him or not and finally called him in the evening. but his number was off.

i dont know if he still thinks abt me, he still wants to talk or not but i do miss him sometimes

dream blog beginssss

so i have decided to add my dreams to this already existing blog
i will be writing about my dreams (Read WEIRD and TWISTED dreams) right here
that is if i remember them in the morning
so let the dreams begin!!!!

no post for a long time :(

long time no blogging haan
i need to blog more , i want to blog more .. i wish i could blog more hehehe
but nowadays i have got my handsful
i am too busy with the new addition in my family
i really hope that i can get some time out and blog.
well blogging for me is not as natural as it is for a lot of bloggers.
i consider myself to be a non creative person
sometimes i am creative but that is out of the blue so mostly i an dull :)
but i came up with an idea of starting a blog for my dreams (well i have a lot of weird and interesting dreams)
what do u say guys?
or should i start posting my dreams right here (being non creative that i am )

give me suggestions please

see u soon

untitled

I am in deep deep thoughts now adays... its killing me
i just want to run away .. from you , from everything
I want it to finish .. just finish
I am thinking about deciding my course of life
i just can`t live like this any more. live with this feeling
and the worst part is you don`t understand
i have been telling you again and again, but you just don`t realize what that does to me .. what you actions do to me
so it`s been too much and too long
i am tired now
i can`t take it any more
so i guess i should ease your pain and mine and just leave

I expected so much in the beginning, but then tried to accomodate you and started expecting less... little by little i killed my feelings , my desires and my expectations
but u kept on going

I expected to never ever have to be patient. but your actions made me patient
I lost my chances of being apoilt, emotional
instead i had to take care of you, but you never realized or appreciated

Now i am in a big big mess... and i have tried to clean it up so many times.... amend my heart so many times
but it is broken into so many pieces now that i can`t make it whole again for u
and i fear that even if i forget everything, you will break my heart again and hurt me again
you just don't want to clean up the mess.




So I just want to tell you that I love you, because it's true, and I'll say that I want you around because that's also true. but I can't tell you I need you, not anymore....
 
because i think you don`t need me

1. What time did you get up this morning?


7:40am

2. How do you like your steak?

well done

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

inception

4. What is your favorite TV show?

lost

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

hmm , this one is difficult. America

6. What did you have for breakfast?

egg and butter sandwich

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

pakistani

8. What foods do you dislike?

chicken now adays

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

monal, cheese cake factory

10. Favorite dressing?

ranch

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

none right now

12. What are your favorite clothes?

lounge wear

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

america and europe

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

1/2 full

15. Where would you want to retire?

some peaceful place

16. Favorite time of day?

when i am talking to R

17. Where were you born?

Pakistan

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Cricket

19. Who do you think will never call you again?

maria

20. Person you expect to call you next?

hmm.. someone from work

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to Stealing?

no one

22. Bird watcher?

not really , would like to watch some unique ones

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?

morning

24. Do you have any pets?

no pets :(

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?

i am going to launch my first ever big promo

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

just play haha

27. What is your best childhood memory?

going to all those exciting places with family, and playing endlessly with cousins

28. Are you a cat or dog person?

cat

29. Are you married?

yes :)

30. Always wear your seat belt?

no..... :S

31. Been in a car accident?

yes when i was very little

32. Any pet peeves?

nah

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?

pineapple

34. Favorite Flower?


tube rose


35. Favorite ice cream?

ben and jerry`s strawberry cheesecake

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

burger king

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

none, never took one :D

38. Who did you get your last email from?

someone at work.... because i am at work right now :p

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

i would never max out my credit card... am a careful spender

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

i am always spontaneous

41. Like your job?

60 %

42. Broccoli?

yes yes

43. What was your favorite vacation?

dubai with R

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?

cousin`s family and brother

45. What are you listening to right now?

phone ring (hehe)

46. What is your favorite color?

i like different colors on different things

47. How many tattoos do you have?

none

48. How many times have you tagged someone to do a meme?

none

49. What time did you finish this meme?

15:20

50. Coffee Drinker?

naa

The Over the Edge Meme

1. What curse word do you use the most?

Manhoos



2. Do you own an iPod?


I guess, (it is my husband`s)



3. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?


yes of course



4. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?


depends, sometimes i like to take it while at other times i like to be in it



5. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Don`t remember


6. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes,
7. What is the first thing you notice about the someone that you are attracted to?
Shoes

8. What are you looking forward to?


March
9. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Nope

10. When is the last time you slept on the floor?

i never did11. What did you do last night?


Wach some TV then slept


12. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?


Opposite
13. Who was the last person to make you mad?


A guy in office
14. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?


R
15. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?


T

16. What’s something you’ve always wanted?


A black honda accord

17. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?

Yes a ot

18. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?

nope, but would like one

19. Where is/are your best friend(s)?

Probably at work

20. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?

Lake :)

Questions a la Randomness: A Meme

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Water.. umm glass

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Not late at all. Slept at 10:30 I guess

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
yes

Have you ever been kissed under fireworks?
never

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
It depends

When was the last time you cried really hard?
Yesterday.

What items could you not go without during the day?
My lenses, water

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My husband`s uncle.

How do you feel about your life right now?
It needs to be changed

If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Messages from friends 80% of them are from my husband

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Of course

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Nope, I don`t remember being called perfect

Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m.: who do you want it to be?
Santa Claus

Do you think too much or too little?
Sometimes too much , sometimes too little

Do you believe in fairy tales?
Yes still

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Naa never

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
I`ve only dated one person, and the age difference was 2.5 months

Have you ever been on a blind date?
no

Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
Yes a lot of them.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Yes. A school teacher and then a university one :)

What song do you want played at your funeral?
No song is coming in my mind

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
nooooo

What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Ben and jerry`s strawberry cheese cake ice cream

Do you walk around the house naked?
Rarely

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Hello hi with people around

Who is the person you can count on the most?
my mom and dad
What is your favorite Holiday?
Eid

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
I don`t think so

Have you ever caught a fish?
No :(

What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their shoes

What is the farthest you’ve been from home?
USA about 8000 miles

How did you meet your spouse or significant other (or most recent one)?
At college

Where was the last place you drove (other than home/school/work)?
Tarbela

my obsession with cubs

I love cubs... actually i adore any animal`s small ones.
but cubs are my very favourite
So R send me this pic of a cub swimming and i fell more in love with cubs.
Now i am searchign for cub photos from google all the time. i want to see more and save some. I even sent R some too (hehe)

I have asked him if he can get me one from Africa

I will give it to the zoo when it grows up
i only want cubs no lions plz

random conversation 2

Another random conversation after a long long time. It is quite different this time… well first up, it`s between guys rather than girls.

Main characters R,M,Z, and H as guest star. Me as silent observer and eye roller
M: (looking out of the huge window) why are people running like crazy, is there a bomb going to explode.
Z: no they are playing cricket
R: you always think local (like I know what it means)
Z: did you see the new adds of XYZ
R: no , I don`t see TV or listen to radio (wow what a guy)
Z: no it was all over the roads, big boards
R: I don`t look at boards either
Me: (huge eye roll)
H: you are lying
What can be more random than this.????
Z: want some cookies?
H: I want butter crunch oatmeal cookies
Z: Are they available in Pakistan?
H:yes
Z:no liar
H:if I get them what will you give me?
Z: I will give you 5 more packs
H: I want life time supply

And they both walk away
What a life I have
Btw H is my immediate boss, and people have already started to tag me as like him

Friday happy or sad???

so it`s friday....
i believe almost 90% of the working people out there would be happy... it`s a two day weekend to relax, chill watch movies, visit family, friends, eat out , have fun.

I can`t decide if this friday is happy or sad for me.I actually have no plans for the weekend except that i have to go see a doctor tomorrow, and maybe wash some of my clothes.

Work was ok today... fridays are always relaxing , everyone wants to go home so they are in no mind set to work much

for me i am still wondering where is my home .. and is it lost ?

i miss my home .. really do , it was perfect

So friday... i did go out with friends for an hour or so ... we had lots and lots of lemon soda with mint , it tasted better than ever ... maybe because of the conversation...

so it`s 5:59pm , time to pack and start the long commute to pindi :(

see you guys

updates

So for those who are still interested in reading about my world and thoughts,here is a little update
I will try to blog more now inshallah
So i got a job (a good one) not the perfect one but it`s good, at least i don`t have to stay at home all day and answer questions (i will talk about it later)

So R was back for 2 weeks and we went to Dubai (yes!!!)it was awesome , other than the fact that we left our brand new camera in a taxi and all our photos from first 2 days were gone with that. We departed at Sharjah airport where i did shed a few tears as R will not be coming before march :( I can`t share any photos of dubai as R was too sad to take more after we lost our camera. I was literally begging him to take photos from his cell.

We had a trip to the place where we had stored our stuff (furniture, electronics, crockery, beddings , everythign from our home) Thank God the stuff was ok , i was happy to see it.

I will write more about my job and my world later
for now i hope people out there , readers (if any) still want to read my blog

Cheers

i am back??

So after so many months i decided to have a look at my lonely blog again
after my last blog entry a lot of things happened in my life
i got married on nov 7th 2009, went to my new home by end nov.
Decorated the whole house ... fixed the furniture , the crockery , curtains , everything
had fun

4 days to the wedding

here i am sitting with my laptop in my lap off course, trying to write about my feelings right now.4 days to my wedding
i want to write things but nothing is coming to my mind. i am starring at the cup of water sitting on my computer table and then my stare goes to my cell, which as usual needs charging. then there is my ja nimaz lying on my brother`s bed, have to pick that up too. My contacts are hurting, have to take them off. some random songs coming to my mind

everything except the feelings for the wedding, leaving my home

nothing ...

so maybe i need to sit back and gather my feelings and emotions which i have neglected for the past i don`t know how many days

R is acting weird, rather his usual self, he has these weird acting times

i don`t want to write anymore and maybe save this blog entry for editing tomorrow but i know if i leave it here i will never finish and publish it
so lets just publish it like this

wedding food.. caterers

We pay so much for food on weddings.. i never realized until my own.
We are going to have a huge number of guests around 600 and that is why the food money seems so much to me
God help my dad